Guys, it’s been 9 months since my accident, and can I just take a minute to say how done I am with all of it?
I don’t want to be in pain, or toss and turn all night because my legs ache. I want to get out of bed in the morning without needing an hour and half to get up the courage to stand because my legs hurt. that. bad.
I want to run. Oh how I want to run. It’s race season, it’s the perfect weather for running, and I’m itching to get out there.
Some days I think I’ll do it, that I’ll put my shoes on, and my favorite running gear, and just go-and then I sit on my bed and have a little cry fest when reality hits.
It seems like I cry more now than I did those first few weeks in the hospital. I cry in the shower, in my car, sometimes when I’m walking around campus and the guy next to me jogs down the steps without a care in the world while I hobble down one step at a time trying not to grimace. Let’s face it; I’m tearing up a little just writing this.
I've gotten lots of emails asking for recovery updates. Well here it is-I hate this.
Mojo and I went to St. George two weeks ago and for 4 blissful days it was as if I had never been hit. It was the first time in 265 days that I didn't have pain. That’s a really long time.
And then we came home, and the pain hit just as bad as when we left. And I cried and Mojo cried and we struggled. It was so hard for us to have things like they used to be, and then to come home and have all the problems return.
When people tell me they are amazed and how good my attitude is I usually joke that they should have seen me on Wednesday. Well today is my Wednesday. (Figuratively speaking because today is actually Monday-don’t want anyone to get their hopes up that Friday is closer)
I try to be grateful and keep my mind on the positive, but I’m failing miserably. Most of my prayers these days end with me pleading with the Lord to just make it stop and haven’t I done enough?
I’m not writing this so I’ll get a bunch of emails telling me how awesome I am or to keep my head up. I just needed to vent, in a public way, and announce it from the roof tops; I don’t want to do this anymore.
Here’s hoping for a better day tomorrow.